The HE top-loader scam

I have a lot of ambivalence about high-efficiency top load washers. I've clerked a few in my time, and I say clerked because I could never really bring myself to "sell" them to a client. I was just too unsure whether they worked as well as the manufacturers hyped.

I didn't care for the machines for a few reasons. For one, they cost far more than I felt a top load washer should, with little return on the investment. The average cost on these machines, excepting the models made by Fisher & Paykel, is around $800. For $800, you can get a good front load washer with all of the bells and whistles that are extremely efficient, and are built from proven designs.

Second, how well can these things possibly clean? A large part of the cleaning process involves mechanical action, meaning movement of the clothes. If you do not move the clothes, you cannot get them clean. In some models, despite all of the whirling and spinning of the drum, very little movement actually takes place.

Thirdly, how gentle are these machines? The Whirlpool Calypso, a total piece of shit that Whirlpool clung to for far too long, was notorious for ripping items up. The Maytag Neptune TL didn't last but a couple years, and really should never have made it into showrooms across America, what with the incessant tangling and knotting of clothes.

The facts remain that top load washers perform worse and worse with each passing year due to federal guidelines on efficiency. In order to meet standards, they must produce a certain number of machines that meet the fed's criteria. They do this by reducing hot water consumption and overall water usage, particularly on rinse cycles.

The only top load washer, that can be classified as HE, that I would recommend is made by Fisher & Paykel. They are efficient, are easy to use, do a good job of cleaning, and are of a solid design. Plus, the machine is right around $600.

As for the other HE top load washers, I offer the following advice. Thoroughly research the models you are considering. Look for testimonials by people who actually own the machines. Be sure the store you are purchasing from has a fair return policy. ONLY buy from a store that offers in-house service, or be sure you know of a reputable local servicer you can rely upon. Lastly, if it is offered and isn't outrageously expensive, consider the extended warranty.

You just might need it.